Most of us have entertained the thought that we might at one time get serious and write a novel. Usually that thought remains on the back burner of our consciousness. Amazingly, during the month of November I grabbed my lap top and every day wrote at least 1600 words totaling by the end of the month, 50,000 words.
The novel did not have to be edited but the point was to just write and write and write. The editing could come later. It was an amazing experience and I surprised myself not just by my commitment but also the ability to bring characters and plot together and not once feeling writer's block. Now admittedly I am no Agatha Christie (my novel being a mystery), but I enjoyed the experience and more importantly it has left me with a desire to continue writing.
Also, I have the feeling that the impossible for me has been achieved and I can take more steps out into the unknown. A novel today - a marathon tomorrow, who knows. It's exciting to think about and realise I am only limited by my narrow thinking.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The Thai Experience
I had always wanted to go to Thailand. An early childhood memory of waiting patiently outside Government House in Brisbane to see the arrival of the Thai monarchs Queen Sirikit and King Phumiphol resonated with me over the years. I recall how exotic they looked in their finery and how different were they to the English Queen and her consort.
When my daughter decided to live and work in Thailand I enjoyed hearing of her daily life in the beach town south of Bangkok. She spoke of a gentle people who loved life and were happy to embrace a farang (foreigner) particularly when she loved their food and took pains to learn their language. Under this new regime of eating healthy Thai food and walking everywhere our daughter became very lithe and fit. Working at the local university she would ride a sawngthaew (covered ute where passengers sit on the back on benches) to the entrance and then hop on the back of a bike to be ferried to her place of work.
A trip was planned to visit my daughter in her term break and I excitedly packed light luggage. With the weather being so hot and steamy there, I was going to stick to light cotton slacks and tops. I arrived in Bangkok late at night and after the usual formalities walked out of the Customs area to see my daughter's welcoming smile. She guided me past several taxis before she approved of one with a meter and spoke to the driver in a few words of Thai. From then on we were treated like locals and more importantly the fare was very reasonable.
The sights and sounds of Bangkok were amazing. What first struck me were the wide streets and the traffic. We think Brisbane drivers are hair raising but Bangkok drivers take the cake. They don't concern themselves with staying in their lanes and think nothing of monopolising the ones on either side if that suits them. The highway leading out of Bangkok towards my daughter's home town would leave for dead some of those in Australia, and yetThailand is a developing country.
A couple of hours later and we were pulling up outside the beachside hotel. I was pleasantly surprised by the hotel, not huge and glamorous like some in Bangkok but having a uniqueness of its own. The room was cool and inviting with french doors leading to a small balcony. I immediately walked outside to breathe in the atmosphere of this colourful town. My daughter warned not to leave the windows open in case a local monkey decided to pay us a visit.
We planned our next few days which involved exploring the town and visiting her University. I was amazed the next morning to take a walk through some of the streets towards a little restaurant for breakfast. The streets were unpaved, quite dirty and a little confronting to my Western eye. My daughter walked confidently alongside pointing out interesting sights. The "restaurant" was really more like a side road stall and quite basic. It was al fresco dining and my eye caught the modern coffee machine. We drank amazing coffee and I was told the owner learned the art when he was in Europe. The owners were delightful people and we enjoyed a typical Thai breakfast of kok (rice porridge topped with a raw egg).
Thai people love karaoke and the small bar at our hotel had a pianist who I'm sure knew every popular song ever written. As we sat sipping our cocktails I saw that we were the only farangs. We listened to a wide variety of untrained voices whose owners were not the least embarrassed but sang loudly. The audience clapped wildly and were all so friendly and welcoming to us and wanted us to get up and sing as well. I managed to convey to them that listening to me sing would not be a pleasant experience.
One of the highlights of my trip was a visit to Kanchanaburi to see the bridge on the River Kwai and Hellfire Pass. We stayed at a traditional Thai guesthouse on the river. I love the beds which are on a raised platform inches off the floor with beautiful Thai silk coverings. Everything is pristine and I feel so comfortable in this lovely place. At breakfast one morning the owner's son brings us pod fruit he has just collected beside the river. It is definitely a place to soothe the spirit and I wished I could spend longer there.
The bridge on the River Kwai invokes a lump in the throat as I look over its simple structure. I start to walk across it remembering the lives that were lost in the building of the original bridge and tears are not far away. When the train arrives on its way to cross the bridge I step to the side of the tracks to wait for it to pass. I imagine the train that once used to wind its way to the Thai Burmese border carrying men and supplies for the Japanese army. Not too far away is Hellfire Pass truly a memorial to all those POW's who died at this sight. As visitors take the long walk down to the Pass there is absolute silence and an almost eerie feeling that allows the imagination to hear the sounds of rock being chiseled.
It was hard to say goodbye not only to my daughter but to this wonderful country and its people. I was so impressed with their work ethic, their graciousness and dignity, truly a suay (beautiful) part of this world.
When my daughter decided to live and work in Thailand I enjoyed hearing of her daily life in the beach town south of Bangkok. She spoke of a gentle people who loved life and were happy to embrace a farang (foreigner) particularly when she loved their food and took pains to learn their language. Under this new regime of eating healthy Thai food and walking everywhere our daughter became very lithe and fit. Working at the local university she would ride a sawngthaew (covered ute where passengers sit on the back on benches) to the entrance and then hop on the back of a bike to be ferried to her place of work.
A trip was planned to visit my daughter in her term break and I excitedly packed light luggage. With the weather being so hot and steamy there, I was going to stick to light cotton slacks and tops. I arrived in Bangkok late at night and after the usual formalities walked out of the Customs area to see my daughter's welcoming smile. She guided me past several taxis before she approved of one with a meter and spoke to the driver in a few words of Thai. From then on we were treated like locals and more importantly the fare was very reasonable.
The sights and sounds of Bangkok were amazing. What first struck me were the wide streets and the traffic. We think Brisbane drivers are hair raising but Bangkok drivers take the cake. They don't concern themselves with staying in their lanes and think nothing of monopolising the ones on either side if that suits them. The highway leading out of Bangkok towards my daughter's home town would leave for dead some of those in Australia, and yetThailand is a developing country.
A couple of hours later and we were pulling up outside the beachside hotel. I was pleasantly surprised by the hotel, not huge and glamorous like some in Bangkok but having a uniqueness of its own. The room was cool and inviting with french doors leading to a small balcony. I immediately walked outside to breathe in the atmosphere of this colourful town. My daughter warned not to leave the windows open in case a local monkey decided to pay us a visit.
We planned our next few days which involved exploring the town and visiting her University. I was amazed the next morning to take a walk through some of the streets towards a little restaurant for breakfast. The streets were unpaved, quite dirty and a little confronting to my Western eye. My daughter walked confidently alongside pointing out interesting sights. The "restaurant" was really more like a side road stall and quite basic. It was al fresco dining and my eye caught the modern coffee machine. We drank amazing coffee and I was told the owner learned the art when he was in Europe. The owners were delightful people and we enjoyed a typical Thai breakfast of kok (rice porridge topped with a raw egg).
Thai people love karaoke and the small bar at our hotel had a pianist who I'm sure knew every popular song ever written. As we sat sipping our cocktails I saw that we were the only farangs. We listened to a wide variety of untrained voices whose owners were not the least embarrassed but sang loudly. The audience clapped wildly and were all so friendly and welcoming to us and wanted us to get up and sing as well. I managed to convey to them that listening to me sing would not be a pleasant experience.
One of the highlights of my trip was a visit to Kanchanaburi to see the bridge on the River Kwai and Hellfire Pass. We stayed at a traditional Thai guesthouse on the river. I love the beds which are on a raised platform inches off the floor with beautiful Thai silk coverings. Everything is pristine and I feel so comfortable in this lovely place. At breakfast one morning the owner's son brings us pod fruit he has just collected beside the river. It is definitely a place to soothe the spirit and I wished I could spend longer there.
The bridge on the River Kwai invokes a lump in the throat as I look over its simple structure. I start to walk across it remembering the lives that were lost in the building of the original bridge and tears are not far away. When the train arrives on its way to cross the bridge I step to the side of the tracks to wait for it to pass. I imagine the train that once used to wind its way to the Thai Burmese border carrying men and supplies for the Japanese army. Not too far away is Hellfire Pass truly a memorial to all those POW's who died at this sight. As visitors take the long walk down to the Pass there is absolute silence and an almost eerie feeling that allows the imagination to hear the sounds of rock being chiseled.
It was hard to say goodbye not only to my daughter but to this wonderful country and its people. I was so impressed with their work ethic, their graciousness and dignity, truly a suay (beautiful) part of this world.
Lightheartedness
When I read a story with a comedic turn I feel the laughter bubbling up and it is a good feeling. I wish I did it more often. Life itself can provide such moments and instead of looking at its dark side which I tend to do more often than I should, perhaps I should aim to only read the happy stuff, the goofy stuff.
I do have a friend who tends to see the silly side of life and when our conversations turn a little serious she has that great knack of injecting her own brand of humour into our discussions. She owns two dogs who according to her are "real people". I've noticed those dogs have brought such joy into her life and she often shares some side splitting story about their antics. She has taken to dragging them off to the nursing home housing her Mum. The residents love it and it brightens their day. The dogs respond to all the attention and my friend is doing her bit for humanity.
The same can be said for children. There are some senior citizens around who can't abide children and when they hear their noise and play they become annoyed and grouchy. Having a grandson who is the apple of my eye brings boundless happiness. I could watch him play all day and often do as well as hold interesting conversations about very little. He knows how to find enjoyment and probably the only thing that disappoints him is having to eat his vegetables. There is nothing quite like watching grandpa and grandson happily building a lego or enjoying the train set.
To aim at banishing those dark thoughts that can send one off down various tunnels of the mind and bring in the sunshine of lightheartedness is truly the way forward.
I do have a friend who tends to see the silly side of life and when our conversations turn a little serious she has that great knack of injecting her own brand of humour into our discussions. She owns two dogs who according to her are "real people". I've noticed those dogs have brought such joy into her life and she often shares some side splitting story about their antics. She has taken to dragging them off to the nursing home housing her Mum. The residents love it and it brightens their day. The dogs respond to all the attention and my friend is doing her bit for humanity.
The same can be said for children. There are some senior citizens around who can't abide children and when they hear their noise and play they become annoyed and grouchy. Having a grandson who is the apple of my eye brings boundless happiness. I could watch him play all day and often do as well as hold interesting conversations about very little. He knows how to find enjoyment and probably the only thing that disappoints him is having to eat his vegetables. There is nothing quite like watching grandpa and grandson happily building a lego or enjoying the train set.
To aim at banishing those dark thoughts that can send one off down various tunnels of the mind and bring in the sunshine of lightheartedness is truly the way forward.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
An Unbalanced Life
Everyone would agree that life today is hectic to say the least. Most of us try to balance a working life with commitments on the home front. We strive to fit in as many extra minutes into our active day. Is it therefore any wonder that we are seeing more anger spilling over in public and private lives.
People are losing control and hitting out verbally or physically and we hear more and more about violence emerging at sports, on the roads and in offices. Alcohol used mostly as a release mechanism fuels much of the anger, and when allowed to boil over causes untold violence. It should be a priority in this country to deal with the causes but it's easier to hide it under the carpet and pretend it doesn't exist.
This leads me to wondering if we would be better served to encourage personal fitness (mental and physical) throughout our communities. I read of a prominent marathon runner of old who is now encouraging indigenous youth to run marathons - What a wonderful idea. We need more initiatives like this to combat the negatives in our society. If we all choose our particular mountain to climb and make small steps to achieving it, then our self esteem begins to grow and is nurtured.
We're all responsible for the road we take in life and how we respond to the difficulties encountered. If we learn the lesson early then the society we help create can only benefit all who live in it.
People are losing control and hitting out verbally or physically and we hear more and more about violence emerging at sports, on the roads and in offices. Alcohol used mostly as a release mechanism fuels much of the anger, and when allowed to boil over causes untold violence. It should be a priority in this country to deal with the causes but it's easier to hide it under the carpet and pretend it doesn't exist.
This leads me to wondering if we would be better served to encourage personal fitness (mental and physical) throughout our communities. I read of a prominent marathon runner of old who is now encouraging indigenous youth to run marathons - What a wonderful idea. We need more initiatives like this to combat the negatives in our society. If we all choose our particular mountain to climb and make small steps to achieving it, then our self esteem begins to grow and is nurtured.
We're all responsible for the road we take in life and how we respond to the difficulties encountered. If we learn the lesson early then the society we help create can only benefit all who live in it.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Closed Minds
I love Elvis Presley's Suspicious Minds truly one of his all time greats. I look back at that era leading to the 70's which was leaving behind the restrictions and repressions of a society and embracing a more open and relaxed one. People rose up and revolted against the mainstream, Vietnam being a case in point. It was one of the greatest periods in time where ideas flourished and people's inhibitions were relaxed, some to the point where flower child was the only description for them.
Boundaries certainly were crossed and in some respects that was to the betterment of society. I shudder today at the thought of the political Tea Party gaining a foothold. We do need to be vigilant as a society and as an individual against extremism.
I look back over my life and am grateful I met and married an individual with strong moral values but the ability to move his boundaries in line with clear thinking and applied logic. To have a closed mind negates the ability to see the other's point of view. This is imperative not only in day to day life but in the higher echelons of world government.
If there is one thing we taught our children albeit unconsciously at times it was to try to think laterally and when I look at the adults they have become it is apparent the lessons were learnt.
We need more and more open minded people on our planet otherwise we are doomed to regress to a more rigid mindset and repressed society.
Boundaries certainly were crossed and in some respects that was to the betterment of society. I shudder today at the thought of the political Tea Party gaining a foothold. We do need to be vigilant as a society and as an individual against extremism.
I look back over my life and am grateful I met and married an individual with strong moral values but the ability to move his boundaries in line with clear thinking and applied logic. To have a closed mind negates the ability to see the other's point of view. This is imperative not only in day to day life but in the higher echelons of world government.
If there is one thing we taught our children albeit unconsciously at times it was to try to think laterally and when I look at the adults they have become it is apparent the lessons were learnt.
We need more and more open minded people on our planet otherwise we are doomed to regress to a more rigid mindset and repressed society.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Workout
If anybody had mentioned to me that I would one day enter the portals of a gym with the precise intention of working out I would have laughed uproariously. I could not be remotely categorised as being a gym junkie or sports inclined. However some of us get a wake up call at some time in their life and some of us even listen to that call.
From a health perspective certain things become apparent as we age. We do not move as athletically as at a younger age. Jumping over rocks at the beach can be a hazardous experience and our confidence is at an all time low at the prospect of keeping our balance. The spirit is definitely willing but the body just cannot make that adjustment.
All I needed was a push in the right direction and so I have joined what is called a soft circuit. This relates to gentle exercise including weights and cardio and balance and the amazing part is I am enjoying it. For two days of the week I spend an hour working out and "bite my tongue" it is fun.
The company is enjoyable because we are all much of an age or we have an injury that precludes more strenuous activity. I enjoy the comraderie of the group and the fact that we look after each other. Exercise has always been good for endorphins so they say, and the mood is definitely positive afterwards.
If my time at the gym keeps that "walker" at bay in future years, then it is a small price to pay for continued fitness. We owe it to ourselves to keep as mentally and physically fit as we possibly can not to say we have to overdo it, but at our own speed. The future I envisage for myself is definitely one of self management and the longer I can keep that going, the better for me and my family.
From a health perspective certain things become apparent as we age. We do not move as athletically as at a younger age. Jumping over rocks at the beach can be a hazardous experience and our confidence is at an all time low at the prospect of keeping our balance. The spirit is definitely willing but the body just cannot make that adjustment.
All I needed was a push in the right direction and so I have joined what is called a soft circuit. This relates to gentle exercise including weights and cardio and balance and the amazing part is I am enjoying it. For two days of the week I spend an hour working out and "bite my tongue" it is fun.
The company is enjoyable because we are all much of an age or we have an injury that precludes more strenuous activity. I enjoy the comraderie of the group and the fact that we look after each other. Exercise has always been good for endorphins so they say, and the mood is definitely positive afterwards.
If my time at the gym keeps that "walker" at bay in future years, then it is a small price to pay for continued fitness. We owe it to ourselves to keep as mentally and physically fit as we possibly can not to say we have to overdo it, but at our own speed. The future I envisage for myself is definitely one of self management and the longer I can keep that going, the better for me and my family.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
A Moment in Time
A friend of a friend has graciously offered to research part of my Mother's history, and regularly emails me updates. How intriguing to find out snippets of information from a long dead past.
Just recently she has discovered my great great grandfather was a convict. Apparently he was transported to Australia for 15 years for larceny. I can imagine it was a state of affairs which was kept well hidden by the next generation or two, but today it has become a cause celebre to have a convict in the family.
It will come as a shock to my elder sister who imagines we come from aristocracy, to discover this is our heritage but I find myself smiling at the pretensions we live with and how they affect our lives. For instance, the son of the convict was not happy with his daughter's choice of husband as he considered him "beneath her", and did not speak to her for quite some years.
At that moment in time when my ancestor faced the court and was sentenced he could not be aware that in the year 2010 his descendant would be aware of his fate and in some respect be quite proud of it.
Just recently she has discovered my great great grandfather was a convict. Apparently he was transported to Australia for 15 years for larceny. I can imagine it was a state of affairs which was kept well hidden by the next generation or two, but today it has become a cause celebre to have a convict in the family.
It will come as a shock to my elder sister who imagines we come from aristocracy, to discover this is our heritage but I find myself smiling at the pretensions we live with and how they affect our lives. For instance, the son of the convict was not happy with his daughter's choice of husband as he considered him "beneath her", and did not speak to her for quite some years.
At that moment in time when my ancestor faced the court and was sentenced he could not be aware that in the year 2010 his descendant would be aware of his fate and in some respect be quite proud of it.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Coffee and Companionship
Most women can relate to meeting up with their friends at their local coffee shop for their favourite coffee blend and a good gossip session.
I have my own favoured cafes which are nearby or further afield and with preferred blends such as Merlo or Di Bello - not too weak, but just right. When making my favourite flat white the best baristas leave a signature design on the top - sometimes a heart, sometimes a leaf. A "Flat White" is common to Australia and perhaps if you requested it in the States or its companion a "Long Black" people might look at you askance. Was their a racist undertone there?
If alone, I always take a good book along to accompany me as I drink my brew. I sneak a glance over the coffee cup at the layout of the shop and who might be part of the scene. Sometimes its young mums with a toddler or two, or two friends close in conversation, or after school hours, the mums and the older kids. More regularly now you see a group of men, young and not so young, some of them alone taking in the scenery. There are retirees or students with their hefty tertiary books.
I bend to my book again and become immersed in its content. It feels good to be part of the community. This is what life teaches you - the old adage "no man is an island". As much as we like our solitude the fact that we can reach out and smile or talk to a fellow human being brings warmth to the soul.
I have my own favoured cafes which are nearby or further afield and with preferred blends such as Merlo or Di Bello - not too weak, but just right. When making my favourite flat white the best baristas leave a signature design on the top - sometimes a heart, sometimes a leaf. A "Flat White" is common to Australia and perhaps if you requested it in the States or its companion a "Long Black" people might look at you askance. Was their a racist undertone there?
If alone, I always take a good book along to accompany me as I drink my brew. I sneak a glance over the coffee cup at the layout of the shop and who might be part of the scene. Sometimes its young mums with a toddler or two, or two friends close in conversation, or after school hours, the mums and the older kids. More regularly now you see a group of men, young and not so young, some of them alone taking in the scenery. There are retirees or students with their hefty tertiary books.
I bend to my book again and become immersed in its content. It feels good to be part of the community. This is what life teaches you - the old adage "no man is an island". As much as we like our solitude the fact that we can reach out and smile or talk to a fellow human being brings warmth to the soul.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Politics Again
We are on the verge of an election of the Country's government and the campaign by the parties has been relentless to say the least. It also makes for compelling viewing. In fact I wonder what I will do with all the free time once it is over. My family laugh at my absorption in the daily analysis and comments of our various media.
I have learned that most people do not change their political colour very much. In fact I do not think there is such a thing as a swinging voter. Perhaps the word "swinging" should be replaced by "disinterested". I believe our environment influences our political beliefs. If we were living a more than comfortable life with all the material things of life on tap would we really be anything but conservative in our voting habits.
Of course our philosophy of life could well intrude at this point and cause us to reflect on other issues rather than our bread and butter. For instance we can think of the asylum seekers who desperately try to change their lives for the better and brave an uncertain and dangerous trip to attempt entry illegally. We can be sympathetic and empathetic or we can let our own fears and prejudices override any other feelings.
It is the measure of a country's political leaders that do not try to exploit those prejudices and fears. It is a measure of a people that aspire to be better than that and open their borders and metaphorically as well, have open minds on this issue.
I have learned that most people do not change their political colour very much. In fact I do not think there is such a thing as a swinging voter. Perhaps the word "swinging" should be replaced by "disinterested". I believe our environment influences our political beliefs. If we were living a more than comfortable life with all the material things of life on tap would we really be anything but conservative in our voting habits.
Of course our philosophy of life could well intrude at this point and cause us to reflect on other issues rather than our bread and butter. For instance we can think of the asylum seekers who desperately try to change their lives for the better and brave an uncertain and dangerous trip to attempt entry illegally. We can be sympathetic and empathetic or we can let our own fears and prejudices override any other feelings.
It is the measure of a country's political leaders that do not try to exploit those prejudices and fears. It is a measure of a people that aspire to be better than that and open their borders and metaphorically as well, have open minds on this issue.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Jimi
He is a beautiful little man, only weeks old but he has already wormed his way into all our hearts. He looks so healthy so when you hear the dreaded word "cancer" it seems a world away from this little fellow.
The Doctors did tests at birth and realised an operation was necessary to remove a growth near his kidneys. They removed 98% of it and decided to do chemotherapy to remove the rest and other cancerous cells.
His Mum and Dad both so young to bear this dreadful news look stunned and exhausted. They look at you with tears welling as if to ask desperately that we make it go away into some dark nightmare from which they can wake. We've watched them grow strong and stoic. Dad has taken over the cooking supplemented by dishes cooked by grandparents and extended family. Mum is determined she will keep feeding her baby giving him every help to fight this unseen enemy. He is thriving on her milk giving us all hope for a positive outcome.
The latest scan shows chemo has reduced the bad cells by a large margin. Relief shines in the young parents' faces as they turn to hug eachother and are renewed for the further battle.
The Doctors did tests at birth and realised an operation was necessary to remove a growth near his kidneys. They removed 98% of it and decided to do chemotherapy to remove the rest and other cancerous cells.
His Mum and Dad both so young to bear this dreadful news look stunned and exhausted. They look at you with tears welling as if to ask desperately that we make it go away into some dark nightmare from which they can wake. We've watched them grow strong and stoic. Dad has taken over the cooking supplemented by dishes cooked by grandparents and extended family. Mum is determined she will keep feeding her baby giving him every help to fight this unseen enemy. He is thriving on her milk giving us all hope for a positive outcome.
The latest scan shows chemo has reduced the bad cells by a large margin. Relief shines in the young parents' faces as they turn to hug eachother and are renewed for the further battle.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Lunch with the Girls
It was a great venue overlooking the river and various sail boats. There were six of us and all work mates until my retirement. I was the eldest and the others ranging from 40's to 23 in age.
We all met in the bar area and I received warm hugs and "don't you look well - love your hair".
Champagne seemed the order of the day and once we were all seated we got on with checking in with each other on how life was treating us. It was great to be part of the "young ones" again. Conversation meandered from work life (not much has changed), management and their good and bad points, gossip about the last work party. (There are always the players who always try to forget they have a wife or husband back home not to mention kids).
We giggled over jokes and in my case fond memories of work dramas or disasters - Which client caused the most angst or gave flowers and chocolates. The youngest of our group decided to leave the mobile number of the single member for the handsome waiter. (She only revealed this as we were walking to the car park to the squeals of the single one).
We passed an icecream vendor and decided we all desperately wanted a cone. As we enjoyed our icecream walking back to the cars we planned another get together in a month's time. Nice to be part of it all.
We all met in the bar area and I received warm hugs and "don't you look well - love your hair".
Champagne seemed the order of the day and once we were all seated we got on with checking in with each other on how life was treating us. It was great to be part of the "young ones" again. Conversation meandered from work life (not much has changed), management and their good and bad points, gossip about the last work party. (There are always the players who always try to forget they have a wife or husband back home not to mention kids).
We giggled over jokes and in my case fond memories of work dramas or disasters - Which client caused the most angst or gave flowers and chocolates. The youngest of our group decided to leave the mobile number of the single member for the handsome waiter. (She only revealed this as we were walking to the car park to the squeals of the single one).
We passed an icecream vendor and decided we all desperately wanted a cone. As we enjoyed our icecream walking back to the cars we planned another get together in a month's time. Nice to be part of it all.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Separation
A close friend and her husband have come to the realisation that they would be better suited to living separate lives. How dare they! Do they not realise they have thrown me into a huge quandary?
Before the separation my friend and I were in a nice routine of meeting for lunch and a tour of our favourite shops. We were comfortable with each other and familiar with our mutual likes and dislikes. I was able to compartmentalise our relationship quite neatly thank you into my week.
So what has changed? Well for instance my friend, who has always to my knowledge been a very together person with strong opinions and in control of her life, is now quite fragile. I am disconcerted as I sit still and listen to her vulnerability coated in aggressive language. The husband has taken on the persona of evil bully and she wants all her friends to know it and be in total agreement with her.
It's so sad, I think, as I receive yet another diatribe over lunch. How does a marriage get to become two people tearing each other verbally apart.? Where has the love which cushions us during the good and bad times disappeared?
I try for sympathetic responses and try to steer the conversation into other channels. For now my friend wants to hold onto her anger seeking perhaps strength because she knows the other emotion she is hiding is grief.
Before the separation my friend and I were in a nice routine of meeting for lunch and a tour of our favourite shops. We were comfortable with each other and familiar with our mutual likes and dislikes. I was able to compartmentalise our relationship quite neatly thank you into my week.
So what has changed? Well for instance my friend, who has always to my knowledge been a very together person with strong opinions and in control of her life, is now quite fragile. I am disconcerted as I sit still and listen to her vulnerability coated in aggressive language. The husband has taken on the persona of evil bully and she wants all her friends to know it and be in total agreement with her.
It's so sad, I think, as I receive yet another diatribe over lunch. How does a marriage get to become two people tearing each other verbally apart.? Where has the love which cushions us during the good and bad times disappeared?
I try for sympathetic responses and try to steer the conversation into other channels. For now my friend wants to hold onto her anger seeking perhaps strength because she knows the other emotion she is hiding is grief.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Boundaries
At various times of our lives each and every one of us put boundaries on ourselves and on others, and for numerous reasons. We do this sometimes unconsciously and at other times we make a conscious decision to mark our personal boundaries.
When our secure "self" is threatened in any way up come the barriers and we mentally and physically back away. This can be a good thing particularly when our standards and moral code are involved.
I found to my detriment in the past few years that people close to me can put up boundaries. I found close relatives' reaction to crises within the family did not coincide with my perception of how families should step up and help each other emotionally and physically. Those boundary walls did not take long to be erected. Where once was a perceived loving relationship in its place was remote coolness as if strangers had inhabited the bodies of my relatives.
It is a hard lesson to learn in life and indeed towards the autumn of your life when you expect most lessons have been learned. So the boundaries remain and I cannot breach them even though I have tried. Where is Henry V and his army when you need them to storm those battlements.
When our secure "self" is threatened in any way up come the barriers and we mentally and physically back away. This can be a good thing particularly when our standards and moral code are involved.
I found to my detriment in the past few years that people close to me can put up boundaries. I found close relatives' reaction to crises within the family did not coincide with my perception of how families should step up and help each other emotionally and physically. Those boundary walls did not take long to be erected. Where once was a perceived loving relationship in its place was remote coolness as if strangers had inhabited the bodies of my relatives.
It is a hard lesson to learn in life and indeed towards the autumn of your life when you expect most lessons have been learned. So the boundaries remain and I cannot breach them even though I have tried. Where is Henry V and his army when you need them to storm those battlements.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Empathy
One of the most important attributes that would serve a person well throughout their life is empathy. The ability to put ourselves in the shoes of another and feel sympathy for their lot in life - if only each one of us had a drop or two. The world would definitely benefit in many ways.
I think women have a real capacity for this emotion perhaps because we carry the emotion gene. To feel intuitively allows us to open up to others and hear their stories in an empathic manner. For instance at the gym there is a lady who spoke of her brother-in-law who has dementia. Her sister has passed on so this lady has taken it upon herself to keep watch over her sister's husband. We stood around her and listened to her story and I could not but help notice how each one of us gave her a hearing. In the end that is all she needed - us to listen empathically.
I think women have a real capacity for this emotion perhaps because we carry the emotion gene. To feel intuitively allows us to open up to others and hear their stories in an empathic manner. For instance at the gym there is a lady who spoke of her brother-in-law who has dementia. Her sister has passed on so this lady has taken it upon herself to keep watch over her sister's husband. We stood around her and listened to her story and I could not but help notice how each one of us gave her a hearing. In the end that is all she needed - us to listen empathically.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Negotiating Relationships
It is not easy now that I find I have more time to myself to retain a certain impartiality in conversations with those around me. Strong opinions once relegated to the back burner of the mind when I was fully employed in more ambitious pursuits - job related - are now emerging to the forefront.
I try to adopt a light rather than serious posture when discussing politics for instance, but before I know it the opinionated voice takes over like some altered state.
Of course I have always preferred a less confrontational approach throughout my life and seemed to be my most forceful at the coalface of work. Family and friends are used to me being mostly agreeable and would look askance when I expressed a more opinionated view. I did not think it worth the hassle of the emotional aftermath.
So I am now negotiating this new path through the relationship minefield and hopefully will emerge a more confident conversationalist - one who is not afraid to voice opinions which may not be as welcome to some but is part of a new me emerging with a more honest persona.
I try to adopt a light rather than serious posture when discussing politics for instance, but before I know it the opinionated voice takes over like some altered state.
Of course I have always preferred a less confrontational approach throughout my life and seemed to be my most forceful at the coalface of work. Family and friends are used to me being mostly agreeable and would look askance when I expressed a more opinionated view. I did not think it worth the hassle of the emotional aftermath.
So I am now negotiating this new path through the relationship minefield and hopefully will emerge a more confident conversationalist - one who is not afraid to voice opinions which may not be as welcome to some but is part of a new me emerging with a more honest persona.
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Aging Factor
A hair cut is a fairly normal occurrence in our daily life unless you have decided to join the aging hippie crowd who abstain and pursue a long grey pony tail. As I sit in the chair facing the mirror of my local hairdresser I look critically at my style.
I decided to go grey some time ago. Richard Gere goes grey and is still considered sexy and a suitable lover for a 30 year old. A woman does the same thing and is immediately placed in a category that is ten or more years older than her actual age.
My latest hairdresser is 40 and experienced with the razor. Not so, the young thing from another salon I have used who always does a cut she thinks her grandmother would like. The razor cut is the way to go. She swathes a way through the hair to create a style that makes me feel at least 50 again. Go the razor!!
I decided to go grey some time ago. Richard Gere goes grey and is still considered sexy and a suitable lover for a 30 year old. A woman does the same thing and is immediately placed in a category that is ten or more years older than her actual age.
My latest hairdresser is 40 and experienced with the razor. Not so, the young thing from another salon I have used who always does a cut she thinks her grandmother would like. The razor cut is the way to go. She swathes a way through the hair to create a style that makes me feel at least 50 again. Go the razor!!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Another Day in Politics
Wherever we live in the world we are never far from the world of Politics. Whether it is the system of government of the country in which we live, or within our work organisation, and for some of us, our church hierarchy, politics always seem to be part of it.
I have always been interested in the way our country is governed. I did a course on just that in my early twenties. However, family and working life intervened and it has always remained on the back burner in my life. In my retired capacity however, I find myself drawn more and more to the politics that affect my life.
What I am finding is that over the years we have left behind the statesmanship that was always a prerequisite of good governance. In many organisations it has been hijacked by the usual self interested parties.
Fine debating skills that used to be the highlight of our Parliament has now deteriorated into squabbling and personal attacks on the individual.
Perhaps within the children who are now entering our Primary Schools, there will be orators of the future who can make a point whether it be in the boardroom or in Parliament without resorting to the baser elements of discussion and debate.
I have always been interested in the way our country is governed. I did a course on just that in my early twenties. However, family and working life intervened and it has always remained on the back burner in my life. In my retired capacity however, I find myself drawn more and more to the politics that affect my life.
What I am finding is that over the years we have left behind the statesmanship that was always a prerequisite of good governance. In many organisations it has been hijacked by the usual self interested parties.
Fine debating skills that used to be the highlight of our Parliament has now deteriorated into squabbling and personal attacks on the individual.
Perhaps within the children who are now entering our Primary Schools, there will be orators of the future who can make a point whether it be in the boardroom or in Parliament without resorting to the baser elements of discussion and debate.
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Quiet
After a long working life I notice now that I am retired that my life is made up of more quiet times. That fact has been a little confronting. The busyness of an office by its nature makes for noise. The phones ringing, the keys on the computer jumping, the printer pumping out paper and of course the talk bubbling around you. It all adds to the atmosphere of background chatter be it human or otherwise.
Now I find myself more aware of the sounds of the house and garden which have their own pleasant quietness. It allows more time for introspection. I enjoy thinking of what might be or what was, or what I can be. I enjoy watering the garden and seeing things afresh. Once, watering the garden was a chore. One more thing to do in my busy life. It is nice to do the everyday chores in life but not at the run. I take my time and sometimes just revel in the physicality of it all.
I enjoy reading a book in a quiet place and re-reading a paragraph that contains a few special lines to touch the heart. Hard to say whether it will be retained or go the way of many a thought - into the never, never. Perhaps I might read it again in a few months and come to it anew.
Yes, quiet has its place in my life now and I find I am enjoying it too.
Now I find myself more aware of the sounds of the house and garden which have their own pleasant quietness. It allows more time for introspection. I enjoy thinking of what might be or what was, or what I can be. I enjoy watering the garden and seeing things afresh. Once, watering the garden was a chore. One more thing to do in my busy life. It is nice to do the everyday chores in life but not at the run. I take my time and sometimes just revel in the physicality of it all.
I enjoy reading a book in a quiet place and re-reading a paragraph that contains a few special lines to touch the heart. Hard to say whether it will be retained or go the way of many a thought - into the never, never. Perhaps I might read it again in a few months and come to it anew.
Yes, quiet has its place in my life now and I find I am enjoying it too.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
New Friends
One of the difficulties of entering a new era of your life leaving behind a comfortable previous one is making new friends.
My working life was structured around the job and the people who worked with me, my clients and other associated relationships. I had a persona that was geared towards relating to younger work colleagues. After all, could I mention to them a past love for Cliff Richard and his music. Heaven forbid my reputation take a nose dive in the "cool department". So, definitely I kept many of my likes and dislikes under wraps.
In my retired life, I find I am making acquaintenances in all areas of my life. A chat at the local coffee shop can branch out into a warm conversation with one of the regular coffee afficionados on the state of the weather, community affairs or the local hairdresser. I find after my gym workout it is nice to walk to the car with one or two of my fellow fitness for life buddies. We chat about the latest books we have read, our kids, our travels - oh, many interesting facets of our lives. Mind you, all these people are near my own age so it is lovely to find so many things in common.
Yes, I am actually approaching the idea I might really like this retired life. If only my conscience does not intervene, telling me I should be gainfully employed in some meaningful work. For now, I tell it to be quiet and enjoy the experience.
My working life was structured around the job and the people who worked with me, my clients and other associated relationships. I had a persona that was geared towards relating to younger work colleagues. After all, could I mention to them a past love for Cliff Richard and his music. Heaven forbid my reputation take a nose dive in the "cool department". So, definitely I kept many of my likes and dislikes under wraps.
In my retired life, I find I am making acquaintenances in all areas of my life. A chat at the local coffee shop can branch out into a warm conversation with one of the regular coffee afficionados on the state of the weather, community affairs or the local hairdresser. I find after my gym workout it is nice to walk to the car with one or two of my fellow fitness for life buddies. We chat about the latest books we have read, our kids, our travels - oh, many interesting facets of our lives. Mind you, all these people are near my own age so it is lovely to find so many things in common.
Yes, I am actually approaching the idea I might really like this retired life. If only my conscience does not intervene, telling me I should be gainfully employed in some meaningful work. For now, I tell it to be quiet and enjoy the experience.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Recently Retired
Recently retired I have gone from a very structured week to the feeling that I am “on holidays” in waiting for that elusive occupation that will give me a sense of purpose. This is not to say that fun activities such as travelling are not purposeful. I adore travelling, am a huge reader and love to cook as well, but you do feel that these are somehow frivolous pursuits. Gordon Ramsay would no doubt love to hear that his profession is ‘frivolous’.
Should I take up a hobby or perhaps learn a language or take a course? Is volunteering the way to go? Do I become a slave to my house and garden? Perhaps I can turn myself into a fitness fanatic and walk endless miles around my suburb or become a regular at the local gym. What about a rewired life of starting a business from home. Jam making comes to mind. There’s a mango glut this season and mango jam or chutney could do well.
So there are endless possibilities and some less fortunate souls yearning for more time to do exactly what they want would tell me in no uncertain terms to “just get a life”.
Yes, but how to do it. Do I step out confidently into an activity only to find that I have committed myself for months and am secretly bored with the whole venture? I have always been one of those people who have been focused on my job and family so other pursuits have been placed on the back burner and I think I am now paying the price. Would I want to be the person who was president of this or that club, immersed in writing a book, an adrenaline junkie (perhaps not the latter. I hate heights and speed which seem to be the prerequisites).
There is much advice about the baby boomer generation re-shaping the future with their wants and needs. I think that generation (my generation) has the potential to make all kinds of changes to society in a mostly positive fashion. Point me in the right direction and I know big things can be accomplished.
Friends tell me it is early days yet and not to get ahead of myself. In the meantime I take care of my only grandchild one day a week and he and I go off on many adventures together. Life is good. I have good health and a wonderful family and friends. Perhaps I should just take the advice of many a self help guru and live in the moment. The structure will take care of itself.
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